I sat with my coffee near the window waiting to see the birds at the feeder. Nothing was moving and no life seemed present outside.

The dormant grass and the bare trees echoed what was going on in my heart. It was winter in my soul.

The weeks of battling sickness had taken its toll on my desire to write and my time in God’s word felt barren as well.

The frigid temperatures and fatigue had kept me inside, preventing me from enjoying my walks or the outdoor activities I love.

I had just finished a book called Tired of Trying by Ashley Morgan. It’s about Jacob’s wrestling match with God and the times we wrestle with Him, too. It was clear I was in a wrestling season of my own.

I was struggling to feel well and earnestly seeking God during this time, but I was not quite finding Him in the way I wanted.

You would think all my downtime would have led to incredible insight from God and abounding clarity for writing my blogs.

But this was not the case. I had no mindset for writing, and reading hurt my head. My creativity was halted, and it was by God’s grace that I was able to accomplish anything at this time.

Ashley Morgan writes, “We start relying on God’s grace when we see that something in our lives is impossibly broken and we choose to confess that God must do for us what we cannot do for ourselves.”

Jacob was determined to wrestle with God until He blessed him. (Genesis 32: 26)

We can do the same. We are not required to make things happen by self-effort.

God asks us to grapple with Him so we can come to the end of ourselves and realize He is all we need. We can hang on to God in our hardest moments and trust Him with the outcomes. Like Jacob, our struggles ultimately rescue us from ourselves.

My winter wrestle made me weary, but that is the point. God wants to bring us to that place of surrender where we relinquish our rights, release our goals, and receive help from Him.